Sunday, March 6, 2011

Jokes Just Jokes

A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "I object, Your Honor! One of the jurors is asleep."

The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep... You wake him up."


Santa and Banta were looking at an Egyptian Mummy at a museum. Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Banta: Yes you are right. See lorry number is also written BC 1760 !!!

Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chicks to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chicks because all of the first lot had died. Another month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chicks, for the second lot had also died. 'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa. 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'


Personal Manager to New job applicant: "Why did your manager fire you?"

"Well a manager is the man who stands around and watches others work, right? " the young applicant replied.

"Yes, but why did he fire you?"

"He was jealous of me. A lot of workers thought i was the manager!"


Customer care officer: I need a product identification no: right now and may I help u in finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?


A tourist goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide while walking in the jungle, “Are we safe here? Aren’t there cannibals around here?”

And the tourist guide says, “Yes. You can be sure there is no cannibals in Africa.”

And the tourist says, “But there may be still some cannibals.”

And the tourist guide says, “No, rest assured. We ate the last one last Monday.”


Tourist: "Look Guide, Here are some LION tracks."

Guide : "Good. You see where they go and i will find out where they came from!".


United Yet Divided

Everyday in some form or the other, we come across a statement which says that we citizens are united and nothing can split us apart. We blame politicians. We blame the Media. We blame the western world but there is one section which we never consider or never blame..Wondering who they are??..don’t be surprised…Its each of us. A great democracy and a wonderful country Indeed. Not to offend anyone but everyone in our land needs an identity which they firmly believe, would be found in some foreign land. Irony isnt it. If this wasn’t worse, imagine the situation the home ministry is tackling these days. Many around, need a separate piece of land for themselves. Surprising to see that people are still interested in seeing our land divided. A division happening within India in very much valid but talk about the northern peak of the country, we feel our blood boiling. I believe that if we oppose the division of the northern sector then we shouldn’t be speaking about a division within the country.

At this stage, I might sound like someone living in utopia. A perfect place. Yes..No doubt I am staying in a wonderful piece of land. The trouble is we are so very much attached to this piece that we need it all for ourselves. Someone comes says something and wola...We are out to fight without even thinking for a minute. situation of thought for everyone. Long back, our country was a cluster of small kingdoms. Many came, ruled us. We say that we accepted them all. But may be the wrongs prevailed. So there were lots of small kingdoms in an area called Hindustan. Someone from outside came and gathered under one umbrella..I know this will be opposed..So re-quoting..We united for opposing someone who came from outside. We were then called “Divided yet United” or Unity in Diversity. Let’s think about today..We are fighting for separate pieces..May be a route back to those dark ages of our country..We are very much united..More or less “United yet Divided”.

Internet - The Wowee Wobbly Web

There was a time when we all used to flock to the library or to the nearest relative for a book when we had a doubt about anything in life. There also was a time when we used to talk to everyone rather than just a ping or tweet. A letter used to mean a blue colored Indian Postal Service Envelope and not the electronic version of it. No one had a mobile phone and the phones which used to exist were meant to talk and not to play games. I sometimes wonder the way we are taking our life. I will take my case as an example and will support that by saying that I am one among those goofed up geeks who wished for a search option when reading my early morning newspaper. Sounds weird...isn't it...yes it is weird. We are so used to the Internet that more than information sharing & making our life better...It is actually becoming a way of life for us. Imagine a day...forget weeks n months...Just a day without your phone..your internet connection...your TV...and all that we depend on for a healthy life style...what will we do..Well the irony is..all these still depend on things which could cease to exist anytime..on one end we say that life is to be lived..but the question is are we indeed living our life or are we being lived…Am not sure...what do you think?...

Hyderabad - Kohinoor of India

Kohinoor - the mountain of light and one wouldn’t be foolishly romantic in calling this city so! Now that it has been officially christened as the ‘light of India’, why don’t we try to follow this illuminated path and surrender ourselves to the inviting charm of this archaic, rich and fascinating city? There has to be some blinding effect, which has catapulted this kind of expeditious development of the city; and we are going to find it for sure!

To begin with, lets try to venture into this 400 years old, richly cultured city and find out what is it that appeals so much to us and leaves us wanting little more the more we get to know about it.

Wouldn’t it be a good idea to start right from the beginning and see what was the force that made Hyderabad what it is today!!

The city was ruled by two great dynasties of Asaf Jahis and Qutab Shahis. Since that period itself it has attracted traders and had been great center for commerce. Not to forget that it was the largest princely state in India. The boundaries of this royal city were sketched on the map long back on 01 Nov’56 when Andhra Pradesh was redrawn on linguistic lines. Back then the fourth king of Qutab Shahi Dynasty built Hyderabad.

Legend has it that he built it for his love Bhagmati, who was later called Hyder mahal and thus this city was named. Now isn’t that quite interesting. He described it as Paradise of Earth. Quite truly the weather here is not extreme so one seldom experiences the incessant rains or high temperature. Evenings here are generally fragrant with brisk air and winters are cozy.

Another very important feature that makes it a favorite destination for people with royal gustatory appeal is its - cuisine. Its culinary specialties range from the Hyderabadi biryani; haleem, biscuits, Nan and many more like Nahari, Pathar ka gosht and Bagara Baingan. I think the mention itself is enough to tingle the taste buds!! A true paradise for foodies indeed!!

This city also boasts of its pearl bangles and other fascinating accessories like famous heavily brocaded Dharmavaram silk sari. Other favorites are the Ikkat from Pochampalli, the Venkatgiri and Narayanpet Cottons, and the unique Gadhwal, which has a cotton body with rich silk border. Few others, which have indelible imprints on the heart of shoppers, include the Kalamkari printing using a kalam (pen) and vegetable dyes and Batik a process involving wax and dyes.

These do cost a fortune but hardly deter the willing hearts.

Hyderabad does full justice to adventurous beings too. Amusement parks like Treasure Island give you opportunities like horse riding (something very close to my heart!), Go -Karting and swimming. Then you also have sailing club in Hussain Sagar Lake and a flying club in the center of the city- the Andhra Pradesh Aviation Academy. Wow! Didn’t it strike a note somewhere in your heart!

The other avenues to enjoy life include thriving discotheques, pubs, theme villages, snow parks etc.

Life in a folder

It’s considered to be the best of life styles and does attract a lot of attention when you take in the trademark deep breath with a pause and say that “I work for a company at so and so number in the word”. It sure is a matter of pride for many. It’s a way for life for lot may people including me. For some it’s a thing which would help them in all that they do. But whatever the reason is and whomsoever you talk to, either praises or curses this technology buffet in some way or the other. It would be foolishness if I start saying about what IT does for everyone. There is not a single person I know without an e-mail Id of their own. Be it a kid who is 2 years old with an account in a social networking site (Their dads make it for them with pride) or an 85 year old veteran doing a video conferencing with his son who is settled in some far across nations, technology has not only touched but has tightened its grip on everyone in some way or the other.

A day at office, for one in the industry usually starts by checking their emails. This would be followed by starting off with the chores assigned to them. With coffee breaks and cigarette sessions, the watches are glanced upon a million times during the day…Please don’t think that its to see when its going to be 6..its usually to run back to the work stations with a thought of how to tackle the next meeting. As the day goes by and by the time we reach home, finish off the tasks at home and settle down to relax…the first thing that we reach out for is our cell phones.. be it high ends or low ones, we have our share of songs and pictures arranged neatly in them. When we retire to bed with a book in hand, we usually read something to sooth our senses or something which would help us improve at work. Probably some book to awaken the senses for a better career deals or some to think out of the box.

Well.. as the cycle continues, isn’t it time to actually stop for a minute and think about the fact that we are actually not living in boxes to think out of it…No matter how messed up our living room in, we live an organized and disciplined life in a folder.